Game On

6:23 am. Baby got me up about 40 minutes ago and I simply can't go back to sleep. I'm not angry. I'm rather pleased that I'll have a few hours to myself before everyone gets up. I'm thinking that this could be a regular occasion--get up early, write myself a little daily motivation, exercise, and get my game on. I don't usually have this kind of energy in the morning, but I'm finding that I no longer have energy at night, either, so something has to give for the good of my cause.

What is my cause? Well, I would say that it is to lose weight--a lot of weight to be specific. However, it's more than that. I have a lot on my plate that I'm hoping to accomplish, a lot of goals I hope to meet sometime down the road. BUT, I realize that this is a huge hurdle standing in my way and I really think that with every pound I lose, new doors will open for me.

I have a lot of support. Back in April I started Slim Fast. I lsot 14 lbs. in a matter of a few weeks and I felt FABULOUS! However, my old ways quickly came back to comfort me as I went through some rough times dealing with family health problems and a job insecurity. I have no gained 5 of those pounds back. I am riddled with guilt!! I cannot keep doing this. I am far too young. I am 237 lbs. I was 190 when I got married in June od 2006. This is a ridiculous amount of weight to gain in 4 years no matter the circumstances. I was wearing size 14/16 jeans when I got married. Now I wear a size 20. I feel like a hippo some days. My belly sags, my thighs are so big I can't stand to wear skirts and dresses.

I can remember feeling fat before my wedding, even. I remember dreaming about how lovely it would be to be able to hop into my husband's arms without him going "ugh" and now I know he would simply not be able to bear my weight! Every time I watch a romantic movie and the man just sweeps his lover off her feet, my heart sinks a little knowing I've never been that petite. How awesome would it be to not envy a pretty girl on TV, but rather to feel just as attractive? I don't think it's impossible. I think it's a challenge.

How I'm going to get started: I'm going to do everything I know that works. I may supplement a meal here and there with Slimfast, but by no means am I going to rely on it, because I want to learn how to eat real food sensibly. I am going to make better eating choices, like burrtio bols vs. burritos from Chipotle and grilled chicken sandwiches vs. breaded. I am going to WRITE everything I eat so I can visualize my progress. I am going to set small goals in the beginning to work up to the sort of lifestyle I want to lead on a long-term basis. 21 days IS what it takes to start a new habit. Guts is what it takes to not let old dumb habits re-surface.

I need some tough love. My husband used to ask me on the days I was consciously too lazy to take a walk "aren't you going for a walk?" and that would usually get me going. I need him to also give me dirty looks if I start making other bad eating choices.

Notes to self:

• glory and success of losing weight tastes a lot better than cheese puffs.
• gas stations sell bottled water, slimfast, and other healthy options.
• there are ways to prepare for a long trip so that one won't have to rely on fast-food and junk on the way.
• I would soooo love to see the look on certain people's faces if I lost weight and got my groove back :o)
• There are others who would be inspired by my success if I would just do it. People who I would love to see care for their health.
  

Hurdles that I know I have to face:

• moving--I've got to keep plenty of healthy snacks on hand and eat other quick snacks in moderation. It seems to help when I take the time to label snack bags.
  
• the holidays--I survived last Easter at mom's. I had small portions of everything and wound up quite satisfied. There's no reason I can't eat Turkey. One Thanksgiving dinner won't kill me, but eating like it's Thanksgiving for weeks leading up to it, could hurt. Self-control for the sake of feeling good is what I need to be mindful of.
  
• winter hibernation mode--gotta love those snowed-in days. But how do I get my exercise in? Exercise videos, join a gym, and YOGA!
  
• having no time in the evenings this fall--it cannot be an excuse for poor eating habits. Eating ranch doritos is no more convenient than low-fat crackers, fruit, or anything else. On quick meal days I can have a sensible sandwich, Lean Cuisine, or even if I have fast food, there are healthy options on every menu. I can make time for exercise in the morning before anyone even gets up.
  

I have short-term and long-term goals. I'm taking it 10 lbs. at a time. My first goal is 230 by 8/22. Then...

• 220 by 9/19
  
• 200 by 10/31 Halloween
  
• 190 by 11/21 Thanksgiving
  
• 180 by 12/26
  
• 175 by 1/16
  
• 170 by 2/6
  
• 165 by 3/6
• MAINTAIN 160-165 by March 31st (Happy Birthday!)
  

After reaching 200, I want to treat myself to a tanning package
After reaching 190, I want to take Chuck out for a date and buy a new dress (at Cache?)
After reaching 175, I want to go shopping at J. Crew and buy a FABULOUS outfit!
On my birthday, I want a bathing suit :o)

I can only imagine the happiness this is going to bring. I'm done watching my dreams slip away with a bag of potato chips, with a midnight snack, or with a scoop of ice cream. I desire a new energy!!

So, the purpose of this web site:
I am keeping a journal with my meals, feelings, etc. The most notable entries I would like to reflect upon here. I plan to still maintain my friendships on Slimfast.com as well. Those are priceless relationships. Those women are inspiring, encouraging, and I think there is a direct correlation to my communication on those boards and my success.